New Latin Words for an Old Problem

You're familiar with the term per capita, right? Well, I'd like to propose a new term -- per actio: a rating of quality per action or piece of business performed by an actor or actress.

This certainly isn't the worst commercial disaster I've ever seen, but it's definitely some of the worst acting per actio.

Return of the Mac

After taking a short break from the disasters, I'm back. And consequently, so is the Credit MacDaddy. (Haven't heard of the Credit MacDaddy? Check out his first commercial disaster here.) As you can see from this newest entry, the Credit MacDaddy is just as terrible and disastrous as ever.

My Taco's THE BEST!

This is what happens to athletes that can't get a Wheaties endorsement.

Gene Roddenberry Is Spinning in His Grave

The original Star Trek series was no paragon of Hollywood production, but the acting, special effects, and overall production values in this commercial disaster make Star Trek TOS look like freakin' Avatar.

Athletes Should Leave It on the Field

This commercial disaster from the Connecticut Lottery stars former New England Patriot John Hannah and is a perfect example of why athletes shouldn't act...



How is this commercial disastrous? Let me count the ways...

1. No educated, affluent mother (as the setting, her wardrobe and appearance make this woman out to be) would really think it's ok for a 16-year-old to play the lottery. If she looked and sounded different, it might be believable. But as they're selling it, no one's buying.
2. She's talking to herself in a way that no one ever talks to themselves
3. Her acting
4. His acting
5. The look on her face that is supposed to say, "Oops, you caught me", but really says, "Who the hell let you in my house???"
6. Why should we "take it from him"? What makes him a freakin' expert???
7. The fact that to sell his credibility, they have to put him in his old Patriots jersey
8. The graphics that, again in an effort to sell his credibility, describe him as a "legend"
9. How, in a matter of seconds, the woman is convinced that this random home intruder must be right despite the presentation of any concrete evidence
10. He hands her a football. Like there's any 16-year-old boy in America that's never owned a football before?
11. The baby blue bow on the football
12. The ridiculously long anti-gambling web address at the end. It's almost like they don't want you to visit it!

Whew! And that's just a 30 second spot! After all that, I need a drink! (Unless John Hannah is going to pop up in my kitchen and tell me I shouldn't do that either.)

Need a Job?

It's a good thing these girls are attending the job fair, because their acting careers certainly aren't going to work out.

Campaign 2012 Begins

Political campaign ads are a veritable breeding ground for commercial disasters. Every campaign season, America's airwaves come under siege of some of the most deceptive, dishonest, misguided, malicious, venomous, and sinister advertising known to man... with each campaign season getting seemingly more terrible than the last.

The 2012 campaign season gets off to a mild but undeniably disastrous start with this ad from Dan Adler, who is running for the U.S. House of Representatives seat in California's 36th Congressional District. Fortunately, there is not a lot of venom and viciousness in this ad (those qualities always increase exponentially as we approach election day), but we're still assaulted with plenty of bad acting, stereotypes, and misguided moments that just make you go, "Huh?"

Dance Dance Revulsion

Aww... apparently there was no money in the budget for dance lessons.



To be fair, the blame for this commercial disaster clearly goes to the director. Even on shoots with little to no budget, the director has to take the time to rehearse the scene with the actors at least once, give them believable and authentic business to perform, and if worse comes to worst... shoot a second take! If the director doesn't do this, then he or she isn't being a good steward of the company and product that is advertising. (And I don't care how "local" the spot is. There's no excuse for sloppy, lazy, or incompetent directing.)

Fire!

Yeah, the first thing you do when your house is on fire is call your insurance agent, not GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND DIAL 911!

Ellen Loves Commercial Disasters Too

Ok, I don't know if Ellen has ever seen this site or not, but she recently featured this commercial disaster on her show, so who knows, maybe...

Nonetheless, the commercial disaster that has her talking is, in fact, a doozie. It falls into that category of direct response product that is both a lame product and a terrible commercial.



If you missed it, the most ridiculous moments come at the :11 mark, where the guy seems very pleased that he spilled coffee all over himself, and the :23 mark, when the mother rolls her eyes and looks very disgusted that her daughter got in the van. Guess we know who the black sheep in that family is!

Everybody Loves a Lawyer (Not)

Lawyers have long been considered the lowest form of life with an advanced degree. (Somewhere just above the dung beetle.) After watching this commercial, it's easy to see why.



This commercial disaster begins by warning us that this is a dramatization. I hope so. I hate to think that there are two people in real life so devoid of any personality or authenticity. If this was a real couple so bitterly close to the brink of divorce and still sitting in the same room together, they'd be arguing so much you couldn't shut them up. And did you notice the husband snatches the remote away, but doesn't change the channel? Even if he didn't want to watch something different and he just has a manipulative compulsion to control the remote, if he hates his wife so much, he would change the channel just out of spite. Of course, the closing scramble for the phone looks like something straight out of a Marx Brothers movie and not a "dramatization". Oh, the unreality!

All this commercial manages to advertise is that its sponsor is a sleazy opportunist that is too cheap to spring for a writer or the luxury of a second take. Twenty bucks says this disaster was shot in less than an hour.

Approaching Disaster in 3... 2... 1

No, this isn't an April Fool's joke. There are real companies producing real commercials that are so bad they manage to assault our senses, insult our intelligence, and make us think, "Who in their right mind thought this was a good idea???"

All at the same time.

In short, these commercials are commercial disasters. And the first entry in my quest to explore commercial disasters is no exception. (If you don't die of a heart attack while watching this, there will be discussion afterwards.)



Yeah. Where to start the commentary on this one? First of all, a middle-aged white guy dressing and (over)acting like a very stereotyped pimp is never a good idea. Him rapping is even worse. Secondly, and back to the overacting, who taught these two how to perform in front of a camera, Jessica Alba? They're more wound up than basketball cheerleaders on amphetamines. Also, what's with the pie in the face? I realize that lots of local advertisers like to have a running gag or gimmick that they stick in all of their commercials, and that's probably what this is, but they need to realize that not only is this particular one incredibly dumb (pies in the face stopped being funny during Vaudeville), but it's even worse when it doesn't fit the context of the commercial it's in.

Of course, there's plenty more in this commercial that I could go on about, but I don't want to beat a dead horse. I'm sure we can all agree this is a complete commercial disaster.

It pains me that this commercial was made in my home state of Georgia.