Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Easy on the Gas?

These days, I'd say O.J. Simpson is probably less worried about what's coming out of his posterior and more worried about what's going in.

Monday, September 19, 2011

When Selling Sex Isn't That Sexy

If you're going to be blatantly sexist in your commercials, at least get some women that are remotely sexy. (Before you get offended, I'm sure they have lovely personalities.)

Saturday, September 17, 2011

New Latin Words for an Old Problem

You're familiar with the term per capita, right? Well, I'd like to propose a new term -- per actio: a rating of quality per action or piece of business performed by an actor or actress.

This certainly isn't the worst commercial disaster I've ever seen, but it's definitely some of the worst acting per actio.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Rambo for the Kids

Not to pick on Toys R Us again so soon, but who's the marketing genius that decided to market Rambo toys to kids? Wasn't that one of the bloodiest and most violent movies of the 80s?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Sonic's Stiff Doppleganger

Sega -- or more accurately, its characters -- are back. This time, courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Pakistan McDonald's. I know CGI budgets can't be that great in Pakistan, but I would have expected slightly deeper pockets and smoother animation from McDonald's, regardless of the locale. Sonic and the gang aren't as lifeless as Geoffrey Giraffe, but they're close.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Lies Geoffrey Told You

Since I posted a Nintendo disaster a few days ago, I figured it's only fair to post a Sega (NES's biggest rival back in the day) disaster as well. So far, I haven't found a Sega commercial produced directly by Sega themselves. But I did find this Toys R Us disaster prominently featuring the Sega Master System.

Toys R Us's mascot, Geoffrey Giraffe, has definitely seen better days. Not only is Geoffrey as lifeless as Melanie Griffith's career, but he also boasts of the unlimited game power of... wait for it... 256k! That may have been a huge amount for a game back then, but there's no way that was ever considered "unlimited"!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Schlitz Fail

Advertising was a much different animal in the '50s, but that's still no excuse for poor storytelling. This vintage commercial disaster from Schlitz (a beer that fails on many other levels too) suffers from one of the worst transitions in advertising history. There is absolutely no transition or explanation linking the first part of the commercial with the second part. They could have just as well slapped footage of monkeys playing tambourines at the beginning and had it make just as much sense.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Sexy Jennifer Anniston

This commercial disaster is a terrible mish mosh of poor execution and missed opportunities. I don't want to (entirely) spoil the ad for you at the outset, so watch it first and then we'll discuss...

The "fantasy" girl this guy is dreaming about is clearly not Jennifer Anniston, so we're supposed to believe, first of all, that this putz could land Jennifer Anniston in the first place, and secondly, that he could go out on a date with a second beautiful woman while Jennifer Anniston faithfully waits for him at home.

I suppose the advertiser is trying to imply that by wearing Lynx body spray, a loser like this can be so irresistible to women that he can pull this off. But c'mon!... Nothing about this pinhead's actions are likable, which makes this commercial unbelievable and ineffective. Screenwriting 101: make your character likable and the audience will get on board with your message much more quickly. This is especially important in commercials, where you only have 30 seconds to a minute to sell an audience on your message.

If this commercial had shown the guy starting out as a loser, putting on the Lynx body spray, and through a series of comedic accidents, discovering that he was irresistible to women -- particularly Jennifer Anniston -- it would have been a much more effective commercial... and frankly, a better use of Jennifer Anniston's "talents".

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Your Nintendo Is Possessed by Satan

I wonder how many NES sales Nintendo lost because this commercial scared the bejesus out of kids.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Disease Is Spreading

Not the best quality recording, but it's still easy to see that this spot is a commercial disaster. The interesting thing about this disaster is that the spokesmodel's lips almost match the English voice over. Which can only lead to one conclusion... a new strain of Ben Stiller disease.